The Need For Validation
Hey y'all,
So, you all should know by now, I have no problem saying when I have issues right? Well, I have an issue that I've had for a LONG time. When I think I'm done with it something happens and I realize that it's not gone yet.
Here's what made me think of it. My mom is here visiting for a few days and I made dinner. Now, being from a Hispanic family when you cook for your mother, one thing you BETTER get right is rice. Not that my mother would criticize me about it. I have probably the MOST non-critical mother. She supports me to stand on my own and is my confidence builder in every step of my life. But when rice is the main item in almost every Hispanic dish, it's is just mental common sense. It's the important item. LOL!
Well, I honestly had not really thought about it as I was cooking. I just cooked dinner the way me and Reggie usually do. I was just happy to have my mom around. So after we all finished eating dinner, she says "Estaba buena la comida" (the food was good). When she said that, I suddenly had this feeling of accomplishment or success! Like hearing that had sparked a sense of approval that I didn't realize I needed to hear right then.
Now granted, you would think that it's all good to feel that sense of accomplishment when she said that because I was not cooking worrying about whether or not I was going to do a good job in order to impress my mother. I was just cooking the way I normally do and that was it. But what happened here is the sense of approval that I received from my mothers compliment, IMMEDIATELY made me think of a flood of things that I secretly do look for validation or approval from people. If I don't get it, I can handle it, but I secretly look for approval in them. I look for approval or validation on things at home from my husband in many things since I pray so much to be the wonderful wife for him. I look for approval from my children if I cook something they were excited to get. Nothing worse than having the awesome taste for something, and when you get it it's a total let down. I look for approval/validation sometimes even from my praise & worship leader at church to know i'm getting better. I sing for my God, and it's truly a one-on-one place for me and God when I sing, but at times I look for some type of sign that I'm ok on the things I'm NOT thinking about when I'm singing. I look for validation from my Hospitality leader at church to see if i'm doing well in caring for the sheep of our church or what I may be forgetting or missing or just something I may need to improve on. It's almost like having a 6 month and annual review at your job. I seem to need that feedback and I know that I shouldn't look for that.
I know that it is not good to look for approval or validation for ANYTHING from man. I need to look for that from God. It's a scriptural truth. Don't believe me? Here it is:
But more importantly is this one:
So, you all should know by now, I have no problem saying when I have issues right? Well, I have an issue that I've had for a LONG time. When I think I'm done with it something happens and I realize that it's not gone yet.
Here's what made me think of it. My mom is here visiting for a few days and I made dinner. Now, being from a Hispanic family when you cook for your mother, one thing you BETTER get right is rice. Not that my mother would criticize me about it. I have probably the MOST non-critical mother. She supports me to stand on my own and is my confidence builder in every step of my life. But when rice is the main item in almost every Hispanic dish, it's is just mental common sense. It's the important item. LOL!
Well, I honestly had not really thought about it as I was cooking. I just cooked dinner the way me and Reggie usually do. I was just happy to have my mom around. So after we all finished eating dinner, she says "Estaba buena la comida" (the food was good). When she said that, I suddenly had this feeling of accomplishment or success! Like hearing that had sparked a sense of approval that I didn't realize I needed to hear right then.
Now granted, you would think that it's all good to feel that sense of accomplishment when she said that because I was not cooking worrying about whether or not I was going to do a good job in order to impress my mother. I was just cooking the way I normally do and that was it. But what happened here is the sense of approval that I received from my mothers compliment, IMMEDIATELY made me think of a flood of things that I secretly do look for validation or approval from people. If I don't get it, I can handle it, but I secretly look for approval in them. I look for approval or validation on things at home from my husband in many things since I pray so much to be the wonderful wife for him. I look for approval from my children if I cook something they were excited to get. Nothing worse than having the awesome taste for something, and when you get it it's a total let down. I look for approval/validation sometimes even from my praise & worship leader at church to know i'm getting better. I sing for my God, and it's truly a one-on-one place for me and God when I sing, but at times I look for some type of sign that I'm ok on the things I'm NOT thinking about when I'm singing. I look for validation from my Hospitality leader at church to see if i'm doing well in caring for the sheep of our church or what I may be forgetting or missing or just something I may need to improve on. It's almost like having a 6 month and annual review at your job. I seem to need that feedback and I know that I shouldn't look for that.
I know that it is not good to look for approval or validation for ANYTHING from man. I need to look for that from God. It's a scriptural truth. Don't believe me? Here it is:
Galatians 1:10
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
But more importantly is this one:
Colossians 3:23
Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord,
not for human masters
I know very well that if I do anything looking for the approval of man, i'm setting myself up for failure. Men/Women are inconsistent fickle emotional people. They love you one minute, they can ignore you next and they are numb to everything around them by the end of the week. If we look for approval from them, we will be disappointed almost every time.
So if you find yourself looking for approval in some areas of your life, know that you aren't alone in this. I'm surely in there with you. But I hold on tight to these 2 scriptures in order to get myself right on an almost daily basis. Especially the Colossians scripture. I suggest you hold on to them as well. And if they don't do it for you it's fine. But please find other scriptures that work for you to hold on to, and please post them in the comments so others (as well as me!) can glean from what seems to be working for you. We will all get through this together. TEAM JESUS!!!!!
I love you all!! Be Blessed!!!!!
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