Beginning Submission... CHALLENGE!!!!
Hey Family,
I have to be honest that I have been giggling at myself and shaking my head as I remember that I decided to do Submission this week. Especially when I've had things in my heart that have been challenging my God assigned call to being an example of submission in my marriage as well as at my job. Believe me, the statement is so true, that when you make a declaration to do something, the enemy is there to challenge your commitment to it!
So the other morning, I had a sister in Christ from college to reach out to me. I hadn't spoken to her in a while. Last we had spoken she had decided she had had enough and was going to begin the process of divorce. She received the straw that broke the camel's back. But when I asked how married life was going she told me that they decided to try to make it work.
That is the story with so many of my sisters. Things happen. In many cases our men have messed up and we recieve the last straw. (Not to say that we as women don't do wrong.) And so many times we are either convinced to try again, or we know deep down, we don't want to give up. Maybe it's just the group of women that I know. We just don't like to give up. And our marriage is that important.
So the other morning, I had a sister in Christ from college to reach out to me. I hadn't spoken to her in a while. Last we had spoken she had decided she had had enough and was going to begin the process of divorce. She received the straw that broke the camel's back. But when I asked how married life was going she told me that they decided to try to make it work.
That is the story with so many of my sisters. Things happen. In many cases our men have messed up and we recieve the last straw. (Not to say that we as women don't do wrong.) And so many times we are either convinced to try again, or we know deep down, we don't want to give up. Maybe it's just the group of women that I know. We just don't like to give up. And our marriage is that important.
So let's talk about the beginnings of submission. I know, i know... it's gonna be a fight. And I mean internally.
With that being said, we need to take the first step toward walking toward submission. A lot of dynamics go into this so you have to find what your marriage/family looks like. First you have to see (and this is going to sound unholy, but it's a true statement for this moment) who is really wearing the pants in the house.
If he is and you are just fighting him on everything then it's a heart work for you. Which can be a challenge itself. I know, it was a serious challenge for me. But it was a challenge because, remember, I thought it was giving up control. And I wasn't about to be controlled. So here is something you can do. And I'm only going to give you one thing because it's going to be hard. You are going to have to find a way to agree or comply with something that he would like more often. If everything he says has a rebuttal, he is going to feel unappreciated and feel like he has to fight for things that he shouldn't have to at home. Depending on what he is asking for or demanding, I'm not sure what that would be. But you will have to take it upon yourself to make a conscious effort to really listen to what your man is asking for and if it's really not going to kill you to comply, just comply. Your man needs to feel important and like he matters.
If you are the one wearing the pants, then we need a slow transition of a role reversal. And yes, it's gonna be a challenge. You need to evaluate your own situation. But somehow a slow transition will need to happen. You need to begin to empower your man.
One thing that I've realized is that when a man doesn't feel like he is being treated like a man at home, he will find another place to act like a man. Whether it's in the streets or someone else's home. Either one you don't want. You want to find something that you would feel comfortable having him responsible for. Something that if he don't do it or forgets to do it YOU don't have a crisis about it.
Or you can find something that you can discuss something with him. For example, maybe you are thinking about making a change in something. A job type, a hair style, a shoe even. Ask him his opinion and make his opinion important to you. I won't say that you need to follow it immediately. Because, as I said, you are not releasing control. You are still a person, and he fell in love with that person. You still need to be you. Just a more submissive you.
As I said, this is going to be a challenging transition for many women. I remember being in a marriage where I had to wear the pants, make all the financial decisions, be the woman, and the mother. I was in "control". Maybe not of him, but I was in control. And I was not going to release control of anything to him because he was not showing himself to be responsible for the things that mattered to me. So yes, I understand this transition. Then getting remarried, I had to find a way to get out of that mind set. Yes, I had a different husband, but it's not like he didn't have to learn how to deal with me too. Its been a challenge for both of us.
So I pray that this begins a transition or a talk for you ladies. It's not always easy. So when you feel like you just can't come up with something, don't stress out, you will if you really want to try this submission. Remember, the key is that your man needs to feel comfortable and appreciated and needed by us more than anywhere else. Just like we need them too.
I love you all!! Be Blessed!!!
With that being said, we need to take the first step toward walking toward submission. A lot of dynamics go into this so you have to find what your marriage/family looks like. First you have to see (and this is going to sound unholy, but it's a true statement for this moment) who is really wearing the pants in the house.
If he is and you are just fighting him on everything then it's a heart work for you. Which can be a challenge itself. I know, it was a serious challenge for me. But it was a challenge because, remember, I thought it was giving up control. And I wasn't about to be controlled. So here is something you can do. And I'm only going to give you one thing because it's going to be hard. You are going to have to find a way to agree or comply with something that he would like more often. If everything he says has a rebuttal, he is going to feel unappreciated and feel like he has to fight for things that he shouldn't have to at home. Depending on what he is asking for or demanding, I'm not sure what that would be. But you will have to take it upon yourself to make a conscious effort to really listen to what your man is asking for and if it's really not going to kill you to comply, just comply. Your man needs to feel important and like he matters.
If you are the one wearing the pants, then we need a slow transition of a role reversal. And yes, it's gonna be a challenge. You need to evaluate your own situation. But somehow a slow transition will need to happen. You need to begin to empower your man.
One thing that I've realized is that when a man doesn't feel like he is being treated like a man at home, he will find another place to act like a man. Whether it's in the streets or someone else's home. Either one you don't want. You want to find something that you would feel comfortable having him responsible for. Something that if he don't do it or forgets to do it YOU don't have a crisis about it.
Or you can find something that you can discuss something with him. For example, maybe you are thinking about making a change in something. A job type, a hair style, a shoe even. Ask him his opinion and make his opinion important to you. I won't say that you need to follow it immediately. Because, as I said, you are not releasing control. You are still a person, and he fell in love with that person. You still need to be you. Just a more submissive you.
As I said, this is going to be a challenging transition for many women. I remember being in a marriage where I had to wear the pants, make all the financial decisions, be the woman, and the mother. I was in "control". Maybe not of him, but I was in control. And I was not going to release control of anything to him because he was not showing himself to be responsible for the things that mattered to me. So yes, I understand this transition. Then getting remarried, I had to find a way to get out of that mind set. Yes, I had a different husband, but it's not like he didn't have to learn how to deal with me too. Its been a challenge for both of us.
So I pray that this begins a transition or a talk for you ladies. It's not always easy. So when you feel like you just can't come up with something, don't stress out, you will if you really want to try this submission. Remember, the key is that your man needs to feel comfortable and appreciated and needed by us more than anywhere else. Just like we need them too.
I love you all!! Be Blessed!!!
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