Expose......

So now that I have exposed who I am. Let me tell you more about the real me. So I already mentioned that I'm an ex-wife and a wife, a mother and a step-mother. That's easy. I am also going to tell you who I was. Work with me, there is a reason for this.
I was:

• A Selfish Wife
• A Verbally Abusive Mother
• A Potty Mouth
• A Hooch
• A Disrespectful Daughter
• Vain
• A Girl With No Self Respect
• A Pothead
• An Alcoholic
• A Pill Popper
• A Sinner of the worst

But let me tell you who I am now:

• A Proverbs 31 Wife
• A Loving Mother
• A Woman With a Holy Mouth
• A Respected Woman
• A Daughter that Loves and Honors Her Parents
• Humble
• Self Loving and Respecting of My Temple
• Clean
• Saved

Now that I've told you who I was and who I am. Here is why I had to say it that way. Those things in the first list, were really honestly who I was. I really was much more than that, but I don't have time for a list that long. If we are all honest with ourselves, many of you have the same description as me. You may have more or less categories, but when you look over your life, we all have a "list" we can make. What you need to realize is that the devil loves to use that list against you. For example, I could easily say, "Who would marry a hooch like me?" Or "Why would God love me, look at the mess I am. He can't do nothing with me." Those are the types of negative things the Devil will keep in your head for as long as you let him speak to you. And lets just be real for a minute. It's probably the truth, right? I know I was HORRIBLE. But one day, I came into the knowledge, that God was there in all that nastiness I was doing. Protecting me. Every time I talked some trash about God, there He was, listening to every word. And the very next day He was there by my side loving me as if I never spoke horribly of Him. He was with my when my first husband beat me up verbally and physically and left me home with the kids while he went off with another woman, then came back home later with his I'm sorry moment. At some point, I said, if He really can stay by me, love me, protect me, keep me, all those days when I could give a dog gone about Him, what more would He do for me, if I truly loved Him? Honored Him? Served Him? At that point, I just had to try Him out. And yes, I went through and at times I DID say "Shoot never mind! I can do this stuff on my own if I'm going to be going through the same stuff or worse!!!! My baby cousin died! Wasn't He supposed to protect her!? She was a baby! She didn't do NOTHING wrong! I did!!!!!! I can't get this and that done! Everyone keeps turning their back on me! Where's my support system that you talked about God!?" Lord, let me tell you, I said all these things, at some point or another and best believe my mouth wasn't cleaned up, so i wasn't using the best language toward our God either. I had to ask for a lot of forgiveness...

Through it all, through all the tests and trials and all the times I wanted to give up, I have learned how to Love my husband. Listen to my children. Discipline without destroying. I learned to love the perfection that He created me as, even if I didn't see it in my own eyes. I have gained more confidence in me and who He has called me to be. And I'm so very thankful. I have seen God change my name from everything the Devil loved to call me from the old days, to everything God has tried to tell me over all these years. And I am so happy that I finally gave God a chance to really show Himself true in my life.

What i'm trying to say is that all these tests, trials, difficulties, pains, heartaches, they are all part of the process. And it's a life learning process. You don't just jump in the ocean and instantly learn how to swim. There are some things that you just have to take little by little, and not freak out when the big waves (of life) come. Just hold tight to your Anchor. Some of those waves are scary. And truth be told, some of those waves are the most painful waves and you just want to curl up in a corner and let your whole world fall apart. But those are the times that you go to your Anchor. And if you don't have the strength or faith to run to your Anchor, you should always have someone in your life that you can reach out to that can run to your Anchor for you/with you. But through all these tests and trials, since I started making my conversion from Crazy Gurl in March 2012 to Christian Girl Now, I can definitely say that I've made some moves and I do not regret not a single one.

This blog will take you through my life's lessons from parenting, to marriage, to relationships, to friendships, to even shoes. But you'll get the perspective that God asks me to give to you. Remember, I'm not perfect, and i'm certainly not where I want to be. I am still learning to stop being stubborn and let God use me as He sees fit, and this is just another way that I'm telling God "I'm Willing".