Dear World.......

Dear World,

I know it's been a while. I've not spoken to you in a long time. But I've had some new things going on. New people in my life. One really stands out. I'm sorry I haven't had time for you. Time to do all the things we used to do. Gossip. Talk smack. Joke around dancing and having drinks while listening to Biggie, 2Pac, Big Pun, Elephant Man.... The good old day’s right?  We had a lot of fun.

But I'm on a new journey now. I've grown up. I'm a big girl now. I was able to really stop and look back over my life and see how you were so important to me. You fed my ego. You filled my needs. You had all the pleasures I could ever want. But none of it ever truly lasted. I couldn't figure out what it was that I needed. What it was that I was looking for for so long. Whatever it was, I could not find it in you world. Apparently it was something you couldn't give me.

I know world, you gave me a lot!!! You gave me a beautiful Son. He has his issues, but I'll tell you. I will NEVER exchange him for anything or anyone in the world. You also gave me a beautiful daughter too! Man, you really knew how to give! But I still didn't have that thing I was looking for. And you were choosing what you wanted to give me. And with those wonderful gifts of my children, you gave me some things I never asked for. Things that would wreck my life in the long run.

You gave me fear. I still don't know when it started. But when my new best friend and I get to the root of it, I promise I'm throwing it all back at you and you can keep it!  You also gave me bitterness and anger!!! Some days its hard to keep that under control. But my new best friend has my back and He helps me every day to be free of that. You also gave me Pride. You told me that I was so independent and so beautiful. But you only wanted me to believe that so that I never needed anyone. You tricked me and made that so enticing. Self-Sufficiency. It was amazing how you presented it! But you never told me that I'd have to have a master’s degree in LIFE so that I could handle all the things that would come at me!

          You never told me that in my independence, I would risk having no one by my side to confide in when my world was falling apart. The independence you presented to me was NOTHING like you made it seem.  But I've got a new best friend that taught me what it really means to be Independent. I can think for myself. I can make my own decisions. And the best part of it. I have a best friend that will give me advice AND help me if I get into unexpected trouble! I have a best friend that guides me in EVERYTHING. All I have to do is stay quiet and listen. Unlike all the noise you gave me so freely.


          So, I just wanted to tell you world. I'm sorry that I don't miss you. But I love you dearly. I don't regret you. Without you I could never have learned some of the lessons that I needed to learn. And without you, I wouldn't have any messes for my new best friend to help me get out of. You helped prove to me that my new best friend is worth my time, my love, my honor, my respect, and my all. He was so gracious enough to allow me to have my time with you because that's what I wanted. But now, I want so much more.


           I now know what it was that I was looking for all those years that I was fooling around with you. I was looking for a love that surpasses all understanding. I was looking for someone to have mercy on me when I made mistakes. I was looking for someone that would help me through my bad times, and not just the good. I was looking for someone to love me when I felt like I was my ugliest. I was looking for someone that would love me without needing me to have to make myself "pretty" for them. I was looking for someone that would be patient with me when I just didn't understand. I was looking for someone that gave me complete peace even when everything around me seemed wrecked. I was looking for someone who would not call me stupid if I messed something up. I was looking for someone that loved me enough that when you walked away from me, He would be there with His hand stretched out to me saying "I'm here for you baby. I've always been here."


          So Goodbye World. I appreciate everything you did for me. But I no longer need you. Jesus is my best friend now. And He has everything I need. He is my rock. My Fortress. I hide in Him when I need to. I cry to Him when I have to. And I Praise and Worship Him just because He was always there, even when I didn't notice Him.


I'm sorry world. I'll pray for you though.
                                                                   Love,
                                                                         Ana