Who Are You, Really?

 

Good morning Family!!

So I’ve had this question that has been floating around my head. It’s been about a month now that I’ve been asking myself “Who Am I?”. I found it funny because about a week after that question was floating around in my spirit, I found out the Youth were covering that topic for Youth Sunday at my church. Praise God. But I heard everything I already knew. I know who I am In Him. I know that I’m a Precious Child of God.

But somehow, even after having all of that reiterated, I still had the question “Who Am I?” floating around in my spirit. I could not shake it at all. I could not understand what in the world the question really was. All the answers just seemed so typical and generic.

 

Who Am I?

• Ana, Reggie’s Wife.
• Ana, the mom of 5
• Ana, the worker
• Ana, the Servant of God
   
  Yea, I get all that. I know who I am as far as that list. But then I had to stop. I wrote it all down on a piece of paper. Then I crumbled it up and threw it away. Now the question became:
   
  Who Am I, Really?

• When I’m not with Reggie, Who Am I?
• When the kids aren’t around, Who Am I?
• When I’m not at work, Who Am I?
• When I’m not actively serving My God, Who Am I?
   
  Then I really got concerned. I truly have NO CLUE who I am outside of my “Roles”.  So I had to figure out, What do I like to do?
   
  I am a girl who loves the gift God gave us all. So I know, that just like my natural daddy, I love to walk trails. It’s something about being out in nature. Something about looking up and seeing all the trees that God has purposefully designed to grow so tall. Something about feeling the breeze and imagining if that’s His breath keeping me cool and if it was sent just for me at that very moment. Something about stopping to see the occasional squirrel climbing the trees or gathering nuts. It just does something to my heart to see such beautiful things. If anything is ever wrong with me, taking these walks and seeing these things makes everything in my world all good again.
   
  I am also a girl who loves the gift God gave me personally. For as long as I can remember, before I became a wife or a mom, before I could hold a job, before I knew much more about God/Jesus outside of Him being real, I loved to sing. If it’s R&B, I love to sing it. If it’s Gospel, I love to sing it. If it’s a love song at all, I’m going to love singing it. It’s just me. I’m that girl that can take a secular song, switch up a couple of words in it, and sing it to God. Just because at that moment, there may not be a Gospel song that I know that can express what I’m feeling at that moment. Now, don’t get it twisted, I love to love. Why do you think I’m married? So I love to sing things that are secular FOR A PURPOSE.
   
  Speaking of Love, that’s something that I also do. I just love to love. I love to love people. I love to let people know that if no one else loves them, I do. But the one thing I truly love about love, is being IN Love. This is where things in my life have revealed themselves to be so very complicated. Maybe complicated is not the word, maybe Confusing. I remember my sister telling me once a long long long time ago. I was probably in high school or college. “You always have a boyfriend. By the time you break up with one, you already have another!”  As an adult, and now a saved adult, those words ring in my ears. Because I realize that because of my desire to love, that statement was actually always really true. But why was it true? What has been so flawed in my life that I always needed to have someone to love? Never mind someone to love me back the way I needed them to love me. And this seems to be the reason why I cannot fully answer the question, Who Am I, Really when I'm not "in love".
   
  You see, me and my love rolled tight. It feels good to love someone. Me and my “love” has put me in positions where I had no business. Because it put me in positions where I loved, but the love that was returned didn't equal mine. Me and my love have put me in places where I was selfish. Because when my love wasn't returned the way I "thought it should have been" I walked away. Me and my love have made many decisions that I regret to this very day. Love that I allowed to stay undeservingly and Love that I left behind out of selfishness. Love that was misappropriated from confusion. All of this was Love that I did not know how powerful it could be if it was coupled with
  

  Wisdom.

  
  

  So I’ll stop here (because you all know I CAN continue LOL). Take some time to ask yourself those questions. Take away what you already know. Strip the title from your name, and ask yourself, if you are NOT any of those things in this moment, Who Are You, Really?  You might be surprised at what you find in there. Or at least be on a track to find out some answers that you didn’t have, like me.

  
  

  There WILL be a part 2 to this and I will post it tomorrow. And yes, don't be surprised that I actually put in a "secular" song for you today. I just thought it was a beautiful song and it's so much up my line. As a consolation for you all that have a need for some songs of "Truth", I gave you a Friday upbeat Jam. Enjoy it!!!!

  
  

   

  I love you all!!!! Be Blessed!!!!!