I Am...

My quest of "who I am" has been a long one. But I will say it has been a consistent one also. In finding out who I am, I've been realizing who I am NOT. Im not just a mom. I am not just a wife. Although those are great titles, they are still so small. Not minimizing the role, because they are both HARD WORK! I KNOW! But they are roles contained in a very small part of a lifelong journey.

When I was in Middle & High School there was this thing that people called me that drove me up a wall.

"Hey Dolly's little sister!"

I'd say hi back, at first. But after a while I got tired of it & my reply changed...

"My name is Ana." or "Dolly's Little Sister has a name."

As I grew into adulthood I started thinking about all that. Why did it bother me so much? Was it Vanity? Was it ego? Was it the need to be "seen"? Was it the need to not be associated with her?

Growing up i've always been the independent one. Always wanting to make my own decisions & make my own way. If I fall, then I fall. But when I succeed, I can say "I did it all by myself". Some call that stubborn & rebellious. I call it creative & driven.

Things like this are what have been molding me into the seemingly crazy yet focused, mean yet determined, person that I am today. But still... Who am I?

I am God's babygirl.
I am God's helper.
I am an example.
I am someone's solution.
I am a friend.
I am a comforter.
I am a writer.
I am a worshiper.

You see, I realized that when I tied my identity to a person, I would become like a form of them. I didn't want to be Dollys little sister. But heck, I didn't know who Ana was either. But I knew for sure that I didn't want to be connected to anyone that way.

Now, as a grown woman, and more importantly a Christian woman, I am starting to understand why I felt that way growing up. God never intended for me to be connected to, or become like any human person. I was not intended to be an extension of Dolly. But of Jesus Christ. Who I am is found in Him.

In my seemingly stubborn drive. In my seemingly rebellious independence. In my seemingly demanding self. I do and am all these things. And in those things you will hopefully find a form of Christ.

I know who I am. Do you know who you are?