It's not your Prayers, it's your Prayer Life........

So things are going well. You are finally getting into your new routine of giving the Lord a certain part of your day... Strictily. A part of the day where you aren't thinking about the bills, cleaning, work, laundry, the kids, nothing. It's just time for your own personal date with God.

That is me! So excited cause I finally am in the routine that I've really driven for. Getting the true relationship that I really want with our Lord. Not because that's what others are doing. Not because others thought that's what I was supposed to do. Not cause that's what I heard was good. But just because He wakes me at that time and I don't feel tired when He does. That's why I know it can be nothing but the Lord's gentle nudge looking for me. In my routine, I wake up at 5:30 am to have personal time with the Lord. I can pray, worship, study, write, whatever I feel God calling me to do. As long as its with Him. It was all going amazing..... Until......

I had to be part of a prayer call with 3 other women. I was already nervous as it was because i'd never prayed before ANYONE. So i was pretty nervous. I'd never put my own thoughts, or my heart or my conversations with God before anyone outside of my husband and children. So that day, everyone prayed. Then there was that awkward silence waiting for the next person to pray. That was me. I thought, well, here goes Lord. And the few sentences that i managed to spit out, were stuttered, bumbled, stressed, confusing, just a pure mess... I decided to end that prayer after pausing for what seemed like the 10th time. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen. Man, that was really horrible..... And I was bothered about it for the next 2 weeks. I went to church and received an amazing word! It let everything sink in.I understood that message. But something still wasn't right. I didn't feel like the message i received at church answered my question. It wasn't that I was just totally nervous. Cause i was, but it just wasn't that. It wasn't that my study life was not up to par, cause I WAS getting Word in. It wasn't daily, but it was at least a couple of times a week. Then God spoke to me......

It's not your prayers... It's your Prayer Life....

And it hit me. I had been so wrapped up in making sure that I worship in the mornings.... And making sure I was studying the Word... And Singing to the Lord... And praying short for others... I did not realize that I had not spent much time at all, just praying for myself, just truly building my relationship with God. Just one on one. Telling Him how much I love Him. Developing my own language with Him. Being consumed in my own one on one relationship with God. 

When you wonder why you can't pray in a group, maybe this is something for you to consider..... this may be your case, it could be something different. When you find that you can't figure out what is wrong on your own, rely on the Holy Spirit to tell you. He will never steer you wrong, lie to you, or be mistaken. He knows you better than you know you, so why not trust Him?